Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Open Arms

It was an amazing day. 

A few days earlier our plans to have a relaxing ride on the train from Austin up to Oklahoma City, had been derailed by the need to take care of some unexpected foundation repairs at our house in Carrollton.  We were desperately trying to sell the house and any kind of potential issues that came up had to be immediately addressed.  The highlight of the trip was to be the graduation of my twin nieces from high school in Oklahoma City.  Now, instead of a care free ride on the train, we had driven to Dallas and were living in our house again with air mattress beds, hot water and electricity being the only things that resembled the comforts of home living.

The day started out working my ass off trying to make repairs to the house.  I had received a text from my niece in Oklahoma City, on the day we were scheduled to arrive there by train, asking if we had made it yet.  I informed her of the unfortunate news but assured her that we would be there for the graduation.  The new plan was that my son, who lives in the Dallas area, would meet us at the house and we would all ride up to Oklahoma City together and go straight to the venue where the graduation was to take place.  As the time approached for work to stop and preparation for the trip to start, I begin to wonder how my wife and daughter would be received by the former in-laws and their family.  Their grandson was still my son so it couldn't go too bad.  My sons mother, the former Mrs., was also going to be there.  I wasn't too concerned about her as she had met and spoken with my wife at length in the past.  The texts and Facebook messages from the twins indicated that all would be well, but would that be the case with everyone? 

The moment we walked through the door of the venue, we were greeted by the twin's father and were directed over to where the family was seated.  As I turned to look in that direction, they were already standing up and waving for us to come over.  When we arrived at the section each gave a big hug and turned in anticipation of the introduction of my wife and daughter, accepting them at that very moment.  During the ceremony we had almost constant quiet conversation with a couple of the former sister-in-laws setting next to us.  As these conversations were going on, I received a text from one of the twins, while the ceremony was in progress, asking if we had made it.  I answered "yes" and that we were seated behind her grandparents.  About 5 minutes later, as the ceremony continued, I looked in the direction where the twins were seated and both of them began waving to us.

As the ceremony ended and everyone gravitated to the outside, we had the opportunity to hug anyone else that we may have missed at the beginning.  We had several pictures made with the new graduates and each of them was a delight to see, especially since the last time I saw them they were still little girls.  It was decided that we would all meet at a local restaurant down the street to continue the celebration.

At the restaurant the introductions, hugs and handshakes continued.  Everyone was smiling and in a joyful mood.  We sat immediately across the table from my sons mother and her husband and did not feel even the slightest degree of discomfort.  I was enjoying the friendship and camaraderie so much that I don't even remember what I had to eat.  There was just an incredible air of caring and joy all around us.

When there is so much negativity and entirely too much life drama all around, how can something this amazingly positive and sincere happen?  I divorced their daughter/sister/aunt and yet all of them still considered me, and my new family, to be part of their family.  I have felt a lot of happiness in my life but this was the first time I had felt this type of happiness and what an incredible happiness it was.  In this increasingly vengeful society we live in, this was an example of caring and loving for other human beings.  Far too often human individuals take more interest in "being the winner" of a situation or in finding a way to "get even".  Humans can be our own worst enemies and at times it seems that we actually look for ways to make our lives difficult. 

As we were leaving, I spoke to my niece about what her university studies would be and congratulated her once again for having the best grades in her class of over 100 students.  I enjoyed being able to talk to her for a moment and to do so as an adult for the first time. 

Meanwhile, outside the restaurant, my wife had realized who my son's grandmother was and was telling her how much she had heard about her and how she was so glad to finally meet her.  Both were smiling like old friends seeing each other for the first time in years.  Myself, I was smiling for the entire three hour drive back to Dallas.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Just Once

One night several years ago I was ratcheting through the channels on the television and for some reason had paused on this specific channel.  There was an old movie showing about a man that was an airplane crash investigator and there had been a crash that he had been dispatched to investigate.  In the movie he was saying goodbye to his wife and son and his son did not want his father to leave because it was the night of his high school graduation and his father was going to miss it.  The man pats his son on the head and says that he is sorry but he has to go, and then he leaves.

There were many chains of thought that came to mind upon seeing that specific scene in the movie.  Should the man be considered "super dad", off to solve a big airplane crash.  He is probably not "dead-beat dad" that wants nothing to do with his family but that thought did briefly cross my mind.  Perhaps he is "clueless dad" that just doesn't see through his male ego haze clearly enough to have his priorities in order.  Being that the movie was older and therefore from a different era of thinking, it was probably made with the "super dad" mentality.  In today's world the "clueless dad" would probably be more fitting.  Clueless to the needs of his family, especially his son, who was about to celebrate a very successful achievement in life. 

I realized that the direction my chain of thought was leading me was actually not anything new.  I had heard it expressed many times as "you only live once" or other similar expressions.  It had always seemed like a shallow and somewhat rebellious justification type of comment, until now.  As is the case with any word, comment or phrase, the selection of the words that are used in the delivery of the message can make a world of difference.  Sometimes replacing a single word can change the entire thought and feel of a comment or phrase.  If the rebel matter-of-factness is removed from the phrase "you only live once", the phrase would read as follows.  "There are many one-time events in life.  If you miss these events, they are gone and you cannot get them back."

A human being's life is full of events.  Some are natural and most are what we impose on ourselves for various reasons.  There are some events that are routine and repetitive, while other events can be completely random and spontaneous.  It is true that you only live once and if you miss any of those "once in life" events, they are gone forever.